Magical thinking and superstitions after a pregnancy loss.

Magical thinking and superstitions are really common when pregnant or TTC after a loss.

It makes sense that you’re trying to protect yourself from being hurt, and attempting to feel a sense of control when you’ve lost all sense of predictability and innocence.

This can look like:

• Second guessing every decision (will buying a Moses basket now doom me to lose this pregnancy? Should I wait?)
• Worry about jinxing yourself if you dare to hope things will go ok
• Indecisiveness(similar to above, worrying that doing something will “cause” a bad outcome so you feel paralyzed by choices)
• Thought/action fusion (believing that if you think it, it will come true, such as worrying that you’ve had intrusive thoughts about losing this baby, or being ambivalent about being pregnant, that means something or will happen)
• Feeling like you can’t do certain activities until after milestones have passed (not telling people until after the 2nd trimester, not having a baby shower until the 3rd, not buying anything until the anatomy scan, etc.)
• Superstitions like believing you have to avoid certain things (beyond the things a Doctor might advise against in pregnancy), or have to do certain things in a certain order, or else bad things might happen, these might be things like avoiding your friend because you saw them just before your previous miscarriage.

There are many other ways this can show up, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re experiencing this. It’s just your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

How to Manage and Challenge These Behaviours

• Recognize that Fear is Protective, not Predictive: Your anxiety makes perfect sense given what you have survived. Acknowledge the anxious thought without judgment, but remind yourself that your worries and avoided behaviours do not dictate the physical outcome of the pregnancy.
• Reframe the "Rules": If you find yourself placing strict "rules" on what you can or cannot do (e.g., "If I wear a different dress, I will be safe", ‘’If I don’t connect to this baby, I won’t get hurt’’), consciously challenge it. You can try to actively shift these anxieties by writing down an anxious thought, acknowledging the emotion, and intentionally flipping it to a factual, neutral affirmation (e.g., "It’s understandable I feel anxious and want to control things. Today, I am pregnant and taking the steps to care for myself"). Try Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation to help with this.
• Break It Down into Milestones: Rather than looking at the whole pregnancy with overwhelming anxiety, take it day by day or week by week. Focus on getting to the next scan, heartbeat check, or gestational milestone.
• Reduce Compulsive Checking: Constant symptom tracking, obsessive internet searching, or compulsive rituals often fuel the cycle of panic. Try to set a strict boundary or limit on internet searches, as this can make you more focused on what you are worried about.

What you do have control over is how you care for yourself in this uncertainty. And if staying quiet feels protective right now, that's completely valid. Just recognise it for what it is: a coping mechanism, not a magic spell.

Your anxious brain may not believe that. Your traumatised nervous system is looking for a sense of control wherever it can find it. "If I just stay quiet, stay small, don't hope too much, maybe this time it'll work."

But the truth even though it’s hard is that you don't have control over whether this pregnancy continues. Announcing doesn't cause loss. Staying silent or not connecting doesn't prevent it or protect us.

What you do have control over is how you care for yourself and live alongside this uncertainty. And if staying quiet feels protective right now, that's completely valid. Just recognise it for what it is: a coping mechanism, not a magic spell.